Thursday, June 10, 2010

Digging up the past

I had a long conversation with mom last night. She is of course concerned, as any mom would be. I told her not to worry about me. I’m fine. My resolve has not, and will not waver, no matter what happens.
Basically it’s because I am not afraid. I’m not afraid of the future, and I’m not afraid of the past. The past is over and done with. I can’t change it, but at the same time I can’t let it cripple me.
Mother Angelica told a story once about two men living in Alaska. One day one of the men died and his friend buried him. The next day when he woke up, he found his dead friend sitting in a chair in his room. He went out and buried him, but the next morning he was there again. This went on for weeks. Finally, the man went crazy and committed suicide. But before he died he left a note. It said he had been sleepwalking the night before and dug up his friend. Every night he had been digging up his friend.
What do we dig up the past for? Just to find out how much it stinks? At some point we have to move on. It’s dead! I don’t like what happened to me, but I’m grateful for who I am.
I am living one of the most peaceful moments of my life, because I have faced the truth, dealt with it, and am looking toward the future with hope.

7 comments:

  1. Good story, Fr. Life goes on, and the best thing to do is to let it.

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  2. Life does go on but we do not want to ignore our past either. There can be much spiritual fruit in reflecting on our past. Rather than trying to forget we should grasp it and learn from it. We all have our own "Stations of the Cross" that we can meditate on and find a deeper meaning. Christ speaks to us in our difficulties.

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  3. "I am living one of the most peaceful moments of my life, because I have faced the truth, dealt with it, and am looking toward the future with hope."

    I can totally relate to that feeling. In the beginning of the scandal I used to praise God for DNA because it brought us truth! If the LC were not able to prove (beyond a shadow of a doubt) that Maciel had a child, this stuff could have still been buried because everyone was afraid to tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may.

    God has big plans for you Father! When we face the truth in anything in our life - freedom abounds and love conquers. I am sure your mom is pleased too. I cannot imagine the anguish of some of the families that have been hurt by this deceit. Jack Keough (the Monk) in his book talked about how Fr M would not let him go to the wedding of his only brother but let him visit several weeks after...what control Maciel commanded. That caused a huge rift in their family which over time has healed.

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  4. Father, I know you sincerely believe you have dealt with your experiences. I have found, in my journey out of RC, I go through stages of being "over it". I think I have a healthy perspective, that the experience will never affect me so deeply again. Yet it hits me in new ways, and I suffer to process an altogether different aspect of the experience.

    I have been journeying out of this since Feb. '09. I still have bad days or weeks. It is all a necessary spiritual work to be free of the past. Please don't fool yourself and think it will be over for you soon. I was a mere RC member, and not for near as long as you were likely in the Legion. You may experience much more upheaval in the days, weeks, and months ahead. It is all for the good to review, ponder, pray on, and be healed of every area of your life in the Legion which requires it. You will emerge a stronger and more effective priest than you may have ever thought possible. Peace.

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  5. I concur, anonymous!

    I wish I could let it go but I have friends who are still involved, including children.

    I would love to just forget the past but learn from it. It is still part of my future.

    Still no one feels they can talk about it. The charity=silence still prevails.

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  6. Father, our personal past shapes us and molds us into who we are today. Forgetting the past would be like forgetting my children's childhood. Would I do that? Would I want to? We can forgive those who've hurt us in the past, but we must learn from our past to grow. Didn't Jesus teach what was wrong with the thinking of the Pharisees? IMHO, I could not be where I am today without examining the abuses of my past and my own reaction to them. I'm not at all promoting living in the past - just using it as a baramoter for your future. God bless.

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  7. This is very true. I can relate. It took me a good 5 years to recover from rc. I've had to deal with some drastic changes in life recently. My husband lost his job after 30 years with the same company. 4 kids still home and one starting college caused a lot of stress. But things always work out the way God plans for our life. I found so much peace sitting outside and reflecting on the beauty of creation. How it screams praise to God. I learned through both of these experiences to praise God for everything He is doing in my life. Just simple praise. It was amazing how the peace came and the stress left. It's all a less in trust. Jesus, I trust in You. God bless you.

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