Wednesday, June 9, 2010

We're lost in a masquerade

“Anon out of RC” sent a thoughtful comment that merits special recognition for it brings up a point I had not yet been able to put into words. I have edited it slightly (sorry Anon) and highlighted the salient point.

“I have prayed and pondered this thought over the past year. Is it not fair to say the Legion “owed” us the whole truth about Maciel from the beginning, without holding anything back? Isn't that just plain human love, decency, respect and the right thing to do no matter the cost, even if it meant the whole thing would fall apart?

“The analogy that comes to mind is from the business world. When you buy a product and you find there is something seriously wrong that could hurt your safety, you are told immediately, the product is recalled, the company loses money and possibly its reputation – but your safety comes first. Toyota had the safety issue and actually failed in the honesty department and lost me as a future customer.

If I was told the truth upfront, I would respect the leadership more and possibly come back.”

Anon gives more examples, but the point is, how much grief could have been avoided by an upfront approach to the problem, not just the deceitful and immoral life of the founder, but of so many other aspects.

For me it has been a 15 year struggle with the truth. But if only one year ago, when I started putting the nails in the coffin of my life in the legion, someone had been straightforward and answered the questions I had so loudly asked for, maybe I wouldn’t be writing this blog.

I’ve been humming this tune for the past few days. You can change the words to suit your mood. It’s good therapy.

Are we really happy with this lonely game we play
Looking for words to say
Searching but not finding understanding anyway
We're lost in this masquerade

Both afraid to say we're just too far away
From being close together from the start
We tried to talk it over but the words got in the way
We're lost inside this lonely game we play

Thoughts of leaving disappear
every time I see your eyes
No matter how hard I try
To understand the reason why
we carry on this way
We're lost in a masquerade

We could just start over
but it's oh so hard to do
When you're lost in a masquerade

9 comments:

  1. please come back to the USA where you are needed

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  2. TruthisstrangerthanfictionJune 9, 2010 at 9:44 AM

    Amen.

    It was precisely the shocking response (or should I say, lack thereof?) last February that made me start to really research the heart of LC/RC methodology.

    When the news first broke in early Feb, I was excited---I really thought this was the Legion's chance to show their true colors, separate themselves altogether from the stench of their depraved founder, and prove that the Legion was so much more than that.

    They did show their true colors. By the end of February, I knew something was terribly wrong, and when I started to do the research, my heart fell right into my shoes.

    By end of March, I had educated myself enough to know that the Legion's horrifying lack-of-response, and their self-absorbed focus on how much they themselves were suffering, was precisely because they are what Maciel created them to be, through the ugly structures he put in place.

    Feb--great hope! March--depths of despair. April--picking myself back up and trying to figure out what this mess means in my life. By June, I was committed to making sure everybody else I knew was made aware of the abusive nature of LC/RC methodology. I have encouraged everyone to get online and start doing their own research.

    It's the least I can do to make some reparation for not having done the research earlier (because there WAS a little niggling voice deep down, telling me something wasn't quite right for years prior to Feb 09), which would have led to my defending the victims of Maciel methodology years ago, instead of silently standing by while they were viciously defamed. And it would have prevented me from entrusting the spiritual formation of my children to an infrastructure created by a criminally depraved mind.

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  3. It's simply a matter of trust and that's what the powers that be fail to recognize.

    RC attracted so many because it was touted as the truth (loved by the pope, inspired by the HS, yada yada). In RC, if you were faithful to "your vocation", you knew you were good with God.

    Once that facade started to crack, it was all over. Once people saw that they could not trust the leadership of the Legion, and could get no more than "Legion-speak" (and lies) when they pleaded for plain honesty, it was all over.

    People used to talk about needing RC. No more. All we need is Christ and His bride.

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  4. Thanks for sharing those thoughts Father. The fascinating thing is that there is somehow ingrained in all this a guilt trip for even thinking we are "owed" anything. When the news broke we were supposed to be serene and OK not having the whole truth and we were told we were being judgemental or that the US likes gossip etc. We also read things like we were not staying in the boat when the storm came so we were not strong enough or we were not staying with our "family" at the foot of the cross. I can't imagine what it was like for an LC priest with much less info than RC and having to speak the party line and lead RC when they were not even entrusted with the truth.

    Leaving RC was the hardest yet the most freeing decision of my life. I guess I did think that I was "owed" something and it was the full truth. If I do not get it from priests - than really who can I trust anymore but God himself and that is freeing.

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  5. Think of this. How differently you may feel about how Tiger Woods handled his recent scandal and how David Letterman handled his.

    Woods reputation (personal brand) suffered greatly due in large fact that he was secretive and non-forthcoming regarding his affairs. The story was on the front page for weeks and his "brand" has suffered greatly. Little or no trust remains.

    Letterman came out with the information, made a public apology and moved on. The brand remains solid and it was in the news for only a few days.

    I know that this is not the perfect analogy (no such thing) but its worth a thought. I too may have remained in RC or have gone back had the leadership been open and honest about all things MM. Not a chance in hell now.

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  6. Father, when Christ so proundly called you, and when you so selflessly answered, do you think that by doing His Holy work, He intended for you to be "lost in a masquerade?"

    Father, even I know the answer to that. I hurts me to get a glimpse of your loneliness and pain. How many other priest and brothers of the LC are walking the length of polished corridors with the same longing dispair in their hearts, I wonder.

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  7. I feel sorry for the LC leadership who felt they had to opt for the masquerade instead of the truth. It occurred to me that they lacked a fundamental lack of trust in God’s loving will for their lives.

    We know what we are supposed to do, as Catholics. The LC superiors knew what they were supposed to do. Yet it seems they didn’t believe God would see them through, if they were but obedient to what they know is true, good, right, holy. They faced the narrow gate, and refused to go through it.

    The sad thing is, the LC who influenced my life would have held me to such a high standard if I ever faced a similar difficulty. I measured the Legion against a standard I learned from a Legionary. I’m not sorry for the lesson, for he was correct. I’m sorry his people could not meet the same standard.

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  8. "Lost in a Masquerade" hits home. I'm a Legion employee who truly loves the Legionaries and the ExLegionaries.

    God wants better for all of you. He wants you to have friendships with people who would never report or even repeat what you say to them. Jesus had many of these friendships. You need to be able to share your anger, confusion ,doubts, dreams, laughter and tears with people you have a brotherly bond with. That is healthy. That is normal the way God intended.

    Maciel destroyed all that. I am praying for you. God called you to be a priest. (He did not call you to be a robot or "Stepford Priest" modeled after a deceitful, greedy, child raping con man who had a few wives and families on the side to boot.)

    I and many people like me are here to help you. God is with you. He will work through us to help you through the transition into the light. Be not afraid.

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  9. Father, I understand your feelings and the deception you felt because of the things we didn't know about Fr. Maciel; I discerned not too long ago that I am not called to be a Legionary, but not because of the founder. I think that we have to understand that God can work through sinners, even the worst. And that's the beauty: none of us are perfect. St. Augustine was a major sinner, and yet few Catholics would disagree that he is one of the strongest pillars of the Church (obviously he is a different case than Fr. Maciel) but the fact is that God can "draw straight with crooked lines" as the saying goes. If God couldn't do good with us sinners the world would have be hopeless with the first child who was born outside of marriage. The Legion's spirituality is approved by the Church. I just think that we have to have faith and be open to the ways of God, which are so often very much not our ways.

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