Don't know why I thought of this, but I remembered something that happened the first time I went home after leaving the Legion.
It was a not too warm summer day, and I decided to go for a walk. I left the house with no real destination, just started walking. I ended up going to the city park and really enjoyed it.
On the way home I stopped at a drug store to buy a granola bar and a bottle of Gatorade. As I was waiting my turn at the counter a strange sense of guilt came over me. I didn't have to give anyone an account of what I was doing or how much I was spending, but I felt guilty deciding to pick up something for myself. I shook it off and enjoyed my snack as I walked casually back home.
This wasn't the only time I felt that. From time to time I still get that guilty feeling, especially when buying things for the parish. But each time I shake it off. In all, they are moments that remind me that I am free from the legion.
Fr Jack, I know what you mean. For me, for a while after I left, I would feel so guilty if I wasn't using every single moment of my time doing something useful. I had to re-teach myself that it was o.k. to sit and relax from time to time and to just do nothing. While as a husband and father and a student getting my PhD now I have to use my time well just to get done what I need to get done, but nevertheless it's because I have a lot to do not because God is going to be angry with me for wasting time (Oh I feel a practical exam on use of time coming back to me). I use to torment myself as a Legionary because I was not efficient with my time. Anyway,... that's what came to mind because of your post.
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